Having not had so much as a whisper of a boyfriend since ol’ what’s-his-face unceremoniously dumped me three years ago, I’ve gotten a bit introspective lately.
I’m not going to flower this up at all: I Google-stalk one of my ex-boyfriends.
It’s no boyfriend that’s ever been mentioned here. With any feelings being long and dead gone, it’s what makes this safe.
One night I was curious to know how things turned out for him. Lo and behold, it’s an absolute soap opera I can’t stay away from.
Government listings tell me he’s become quite the entrepreneur since we last talked five years. A van service that drives people to their doctors’ appointments. A bait and tackle shop. Several residential and commercial properties. A city recreational field. A bar.
It’s here in this bar where things get interesting.
He was out with a friend one night, celebrating the friend’s return from Iraq as a Marine. They stopped at Ex’s bar to partake in celebratory booze, and there were words exchanged with the local long-time jackass. Jackass broke a glass during an altercation, and Ex kicked him out. In retaliation, Jackass stole Ex’s truck and hid it. Ex and Marine went to Jackass’s house to inquire about the missing truck, and Jackass shot Marine.
Then the newspaper article continues, talking about how Ex and his wife went outside to call the police. And oh oh oh who is this wife?! He remarried his so-called she-beast of an ex-wife!
For the record, Jackass is finally in jail with no hopes of getting out. Marine is a-okay and avoided having to go back to Iraq for a bit. As for the wife, I’m not about to call up the small town record division to inquire about their remarriage (…or if they were even really divorced when we were together!), but it gives me a good chuckle because I know she’s giving him hell for anything he gets into.
Thank you, Google. You showed me exactly what I’m missing out on by not nabbing that great catch when I had the chance.