I’d like to report a theft

With a stark increase in the number of items in my Me Being Pissy category, can you tell that I’m a little PMS-y crazy? With that, this weekend I got the urge to purge. I focused my efforts on the kitchen, being brutal in tossing stuff out. Knowing that there’s an impending move, my goal was to get down to the minimum.


Glasses I don’t like or use were tossed. The really nice crystal I don’t use was promised to a friend who caught wind of my tossing. Plastic bowls found themselves in the trash. Unable to fully part with my oh-so-rad (but generally unused) set of deep blue wine glasses, they were packed into my suitcase for my next trip to Texas for storage. The Wilton baking gear was pulled into my eBay-this-stuff pile in my office (to be sold once my Internet again functions).


With all this tossing also came the burning desire to clean the hell out of everything I was keeping. All remaining utensils, glasses, plates, and bowls got a good soaking and scrubbing before being run through the dishwasher.


Once my madness was done, I took a look into my aligned cabinet and noticed something odd: I was missing a some cereal bowls.


Way back when I was at the start of my domestic phase (year #3 with borefriend #1, the year I got both a crock pot and a bread machine but prior to getting a juicer), his parents gave me this set of dishes from the mall’s flagship department store. They were way nicer than any set I’d had, mine all previously coming from Wal-Mart. I made a matching candle as my kitchen table’s centerpiece (I kid you not), and they’ve since moved with me several times. Actually really liking these dishes, I’m pretty well aware that there are eight sets of everything.


Eight big plates.


Eight mini plates.


Eight bowls.


(The eight saucers and eight tea cups were subsequently sold on eBay prior to the last time I moved, since they were never, ever used.)


Looking in my all-scrubbed-up cabinet, it was pretty obvious that my stack of bowls was half of my other two stacks. Account for my using one more bowl as Hambone’s makeshift food bowl (his usual was among the items soaked, scrubbed, and then run through the washer), and that leaves me three bowls short.


When it comes to bowls, there are only three places they’ll be: in the sink, in the washer, or in the cabinet.


Since I was scrubbing already-clean dishes, you can damn well bet that there was nothing in my sink. My washer is currently half-full of spatulas, a couple mixing bowls, and the one remaining cake pan. And the cabinet’s contents were what alerted me to the issue at hand.


I’m absolutely stumped to where these dishes could have gone. To no avail, I’ve spent time over the past three days glancing in areas where these bowls should not be.


Oh, but the mystery continues…


For the past few days, I’ve been missing my sleepwear. This being my black bra and a pair of for-real black undies (not a thong), they’re pretty noticeable among the other items in my drawer of unmentionables.


Like the dishes, there are only three places these items can be: in the hamper, in the washer, or in the dresser.


The first day that I couldn’t find them, I assumed I tossed them in the hamper for their usual frequent washing. I spent the next couple nights in a white bra and shorts, thinking nothing of their absence. Two nights ago I finally had enough clothes in the hamper to fill a light and a dark load, so I ran everything through. I didn’t check specifically for these items, having forgotten about their disappearance. But last night when I went to check for my usual sleep gear, they were no where to be found.


Add to it that this morning, as I went to dress for work, I noticed that my good white bra is also missing.


If it was just the latter items missing, I’d assume there was a pervert swiping my stuff. However, a pervert who also has a penchant for Pfaltzgraff cereal bowls seems unlikely.


My home door is always locked. The front entrance to the building is policed by security guards. I’m not friendly enough with anyone in my building that would lead anyone to play a prank on me.


In sum, I’m absolutely baffled.


Please let my Comments section know if you have any leads. All tips are welcome.

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4 responses to “I’d like to report a theft

  1. Maybe it’s time to interview Hambone.

  2. Good thinking! I’ll keep an eye on that smeaky bastard…

  3. Whenever I have that problem I blame gnomes. Car key gnomes, remote control gnomes, memory key gnomes (I’m still looking for that one).

    You have Pfaltzgraff cereal bowl gnomes and bra gnomes.

  4. blessthisdiymess

    A pervert/thief is out there somewhere, eating a bowl full of your unmentionables. Maybe he’s trying to up his pfiber intake?

    I’m jealous. Please give Texas my love.

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